Sunday, January 23, 2011

Big Girl Bed Of Tears

I sat in Kayla’s room last night and cried.  I remember sitting in her room the night we finished her mural.  I remember that feeling of being fulfilled…and content…yet longing to hold my baby in my arms.  Knowing that room, that place would be her room…her special place.  I stayed up most of that night staring, wishing and dreaming.  I was overwhelmed with the thought of bringing home my baby, my princess, to this place…this room filled with so much color and life and joy.  And I cried.  Once again, I sat and thought of that moment and how much has changed since that night.  How much my life has been rocked to the core…yet feels like it’s always been this way.  This room has brought me so much comfort and happiness for nearly five years.  This place is happy.  This place is pure joy.  This is a room for a princess.  While I’ve been putting it off far too long, my girl deserved a big girl bed.  My Mom had been nagging me {isn’t that what Mom’s do best?} for over a year and I finally caved.

Tonight we disassembled her toddler bed.  

With each turn of the wrench, another tear fell.  Piece by piece…tear by tear…this was no longer her bed…

While it once was the crib we brought her home from the hospital to sleep in and the toddler bed she grew into…this was no longer her place to sleep…and I cried.  As the back of the crib was removed from the sides I sobbed…out loud…really loud.  I cried that really ugly cry…swollen eyes, mascara running down my puffy cheeks, needing several tissues kinda cry.  I cried in part because she is growing up…but that is something I am aware of everyday.  Each step she takes, each new funny phrase she speaks…all reminders of how she is growing.  While I cried because she is growing up way too fast, I also cried because of the unknown.  The fear.  I know that crib…that bed…they were comfort.  I placed her in that bed every night knowing I could protect her everyday. 

I could hold her at night and guide her through the day.  This change…this change is much more than a bed.  This means far more.  She is moving on to another stage.  A stage where I can no longer protect her from morning ‘til night.  My baby, while she will always be my baby is now a big girl.

And while I cried as we disassembled her toddler bed, assembling her new bed brought so much joy.  
A huge weight was lifted from my heart.  I knew that my girl was gonna love this bed.  She was gonna love being a big girl…with a big girl bed.  And so…we built and we decorated and my heart continued to fill with joy.  Kayla stayed at MomMom’s house so we could surprise her this morning with her new bed…and surprise her we did!  Her reaction was priceless!  She entered the room and closed the door behind her {never mind the bazillion bows hanging from her know my girl is always accessorized}...

As she stepped further into the room, eyes wide open and chin pretty close to the floor, my Mom asked her “where’s your surprise?”…and her reply?  Her reply was quite possibly the funniest statement to ever exit her mouth…“Where?" {looking around the room as if she didn't notice the gigantic big girl bed as she entered the room}...and she continued with "really?  oh my gosh, that’s so wonderful…it’s brand new…my new bed…”  I don’t know where she comes up with some of the funny things she says…but my girl is funny…and she is definitely a big girl now.

She slowly observed everything in her room…as if everything in the room was brand new.  When I asked her if she would be taking her babies in her new bed she quickly replied… “no…I’m gonna jump on there”…holding back laughter we convinced her to save that for another day…

Then Daddy...

So how do you know if your decision to get a big girl bed was a success?  Answer: when your child doesn’t want to leave her room for an entire day.  Not for lunch, not for snack, not to play with Mommy and Daddy, not to watch TV…not at all.  She played and played and played…in her room…by herself.  Anytime we tried to join she would close her door on us!  Hilarious!

She’s also never been so excited to go to bed.  We climbed in bed together and read Cinderella {thank you, Daddy for taking pictures}
She was one happy girl.  One very happy girl.  

Sleeping in her perfect big girl bed…in her perfect princess room, fit for a princess {my princess}…a very beautiful, grown up, big girl princess.  And while less than 24 hours ago I was crying {a really ugly cry}, tonight I am filled with tears of joy.  Tonight I am celebrating my very big girl getting her big girl bed and I am also celebrating the life of my maternal grandmother, Betty Scott.  While she no longer walks this earth with me, I know she is with me everyday.  She would have loved my princess but I know that she is loving her from heaven everyday.  Hope you are celebrating your birthday in heaven with PopPop tonight, MomMom…wearing your pink lipstick and Charlie cologne.  

While you may have moments of sadness that overcome you, friends...I hope they are short and few...and your moments of perfect happiness are many and long...

1 comment:

  1. Please tell me how you hung all of those bows on the back of her door. Lila's are scattered all over the house, unfortunately, because I haven't taken the time to do something like that. It would be much appreciated! Thanks!